Today I realised a very important thing. I no longer seek to become a professional composer.
I am very happy being a lover of composing and I compose because of the love of sound and the creation process.
I realise I had to make a choice in regards to my music aspirations:
Composer or Musician
I can see from my own life experience that I have a genuine love for music and expressing sound. My musicality has always been well received, and being a musician is much more natural to me. I can envision my path in this direction very clearly. With composing, not so much, and I have been trying for around 10 years now.
One of the key things I have realised is, I have never had an intention to become a professional composer even though I have achieved a degree in electronic music (it was very hard, and I even developed an illness during this time). I have always been very happy just simply loving and appreciating the art of composing, and it brings me great joy creating with sound.
My role as a musician is much more supported. I can see myself, being a session musician, being a private teacher, performing in bands, singing, recording songs in a studio, basically being happy. What I love most about being a musician is expressing music together with others. It’s that collective, supportive expression of creating music that I love wholeheartedly.
And that is why I will ultimately achieve more success in this direction than I ever did with composing.